


Everything I Didn't Say

by Janeeratanasirilak



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: He's only in there for a second, M/M, Nick Grimshaw - Freeform, blink and you'll miss him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7460574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janeeratanasirilak/pseuds/Janeeratanasirilak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The room was dark, except for the light that was coming from the lamp beside him. He hadn’t bothered to open the blinds or switch the main light on, he knew that if he did, he would be able to see his reflection in the mirror across the room; it would just be another painful reminder of what had happened just a few days before. He wouldn’t have approved of what his life had become but he had no control over it now.  </p><p>Louis Tomlinson was scared of love. Harry Styles wasn't. This is a story where memories are recalled and pain is felt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Didn't Say

The room was dark, except for the light that was coming from the lamp beside him. He hadn’t bothered to open the blinds or switch the main light on, he knew that if he did, he would be able to see his reflection in the mirror across the room; it would just be another painful reminder of what had happened just a few days before. He wouldn’t have approved of what his life had become but he had no control over it now. 

A rush of sadness and anger washed over him, the muscles in his body going rigid like a deer caught in headlights. The swirling emotions inside him threatened to make his head implode. He felt numb. Like he wasn’t actually there even though his body was; His mind was elsewhere, like it was on a field trip to somewhere far away from here. It was like he had no control over his body anymore. He was so numb that he couldn’t feel the slightest thing. No emotions, just pain, sadness and guilt. The guilt that was gnawing at him felt like waves crashing harshly against the jagged rocks. His hands clenched, making his knuckles turn white, tears threatening to spill down his face as he moved his hand to run it through his hair for what felt like the millionth time.  
He thought back to what his life was before Harry. His life had been dull and meaningless, like a world without a sun; dull, cold and a dark abyss. He never really enjoyed life until he saw him in that cute little coffee shop on the corner of Thames St. and S.Broadway. It was like a fulfilling, happy light had entered his life and refused to leave. He sat in the corner of the shop, huddled up against the back booth as he stared out the window, his green eyes flickering vibrantly in the soft light emitting from shop. His curls were like chocolate, brown and glossy, spilling onto his shoulders like a waterfall.His big green eyes were filled with happiness and wonder, something he could never fully understand.

The relationship that bloomed between the two was something people never understood, they were always telling them that it would never work. That they were moving too fast. But they both liked the feeling, knowing that they were both there to catch each other in the process. Their relationship was one that many people wished to have. A relationship full of fun, love, laughter and good memories that will stick with them forever. He valued the moments where they would stay up till 2am in the morning, talking about everything and anything and the moments where he would catch him in the kitchen, looking at the stars through the window. No words needed to be said, as he took Harry into his arms and spun him around, dancing in the moonlight and staring at each other lovingly. These were the moments he wished would stay with him just a little longer.

*~*~*~*

After 5 months of being together, it started off as something small. All the arguments were over the dirty dishes or whose turn it was to cook. The arguments meant nothing most of the time as they would forget about it in a day. But every single one of these arguments lead up to this moment. This moment of jealousy. The moment he had feared forever was happening in front of him at the festival. Bitter words were spoken, words that didn’t have any meaning behind it. Except for those three words that were thrown out in the heat of the moment before he left Harry there alone; causing him to breakdown against the side of the building.

It started off as a nice evening, both of them enjoying the music that was being played. They had both stumbled across a small festival playing in a field while searching for somewhere to stay as their car had broken down, causing them to walk around aimlessly for hours, trying to find some place to stay in. For an hour, were there, talking among themselves and laughing. Suddenly his favourite song came on, making him smile widely as he stood up, pulling on his arms. He shook his head and laughed as he watched him dance, spinning around and laughing.  
He caught a guy staring at Harry, making him frown. Jealousy coursed through him as he stood up, storming off and leaving him there alone, utterly confused. He felt his presence behind as he turned him around, catching his confused stare. He could hear him asking what was wrong but he couldn’t focus due to the jealousy that was coursing through his veins. He shook his head and felt the words on the tip of his tongue. No, he couldn’t say it. Not now. He couldn’t hold back the words. Fearing for the worst, he left Harry there and walked off; feeling an ache in his chest that felt like someone was stabbing him over and over again. He wished he could’ve told him everything that was going through his mind but he couldn’t. He was too afraid; too afraid to let him in, to open up to him.

The day he told Harry he loved him still haunted him to this day. A ghost of a memory that refused to fade, no matter how hard he tried to forget, it just couldn’t happen. He couldn’t forget the look on his face as he left him alone, the look of heartbreak and pain written all over his face. He felt stupid for leaving him there but he didn’t want the heartbreak. He didn’t want to feel the pain it caused. But he felt it anyway; only this time, it was 10 times worse. It was like someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He wanted to make it up to Harry, he really did but the fear of rejection had caused him to hide out in his apartment. He wanted to scream out to the world that he loved him and would never let him go. He hated the fact that he was so scared of love but he couldn’t help it, he unintentionally pushed the one he loved the most away; all because he was afraid of getting hurt. He realized he was being irrational, and stupid. He has come to know Harry and found that not only was he beautiful inside and out, but he had such a big heart of gold.  
Then he knew; he knew that his mind wasn’t trustworthy, like he was a puppet and his mind was the puppet master. He needed to take control and make his own decisions; show his mind that it can’t control him like this. So he stood there in the hallway, staring at himself in the mirror for the first time in 4 days. He had a feeling, a feeling that Harry would come back to him. He wouldn’t give up that easily. 

 

A knock on the door startled him from his thoughts, making him tense up for a second before walking to the door. Who he saw at the door made him freeze in shock, his heart beating frantically against his chest as he stared at the green-eyed boy in front of him. He smiled at him softly before looking down; making him look more adorable than he did before.  
“Harry? What are you doing here?” He managed to get out through the shock and surprise.  
“I needed to make sure you knew.” He replied, finally looking up at him with his big doe eyes.  
“Make sure I knew what?” He asked, even though he had an idea of what he was about to say, making him feel warm inside. The next words that left Harry’s mouth made his heart swell and his mind whirl, making him smile widely as he captured him in a hug as he giggled quietly before catching his lips in a sweet kiss.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thank You so much for reading my first piece of work on here, it means a lot to me.


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